I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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