You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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