That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
