Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
