how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
