It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
