New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
