come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Bring me that man meat
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
