Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize