I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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