Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
