Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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