Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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