I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
