my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
