I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
