Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
