some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
