Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
