Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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