Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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