Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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