we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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