if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
