as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i now understand why vodka
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
