There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
a search helicopter?!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
