I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
