does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
