What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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