Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
