Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
