how can u be prego again
wrigley field is MILF paradise
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
