Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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