Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Randomize
