please come you make the beer taste better
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
