I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
