i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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