i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
