i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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