Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The best revenge is premature balding
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
