Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
