I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
