He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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