What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
