i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
