M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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