i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
