he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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