Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
