I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
