I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
