he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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