i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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